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I would surrender LizBeth to Christ each night before going to bed. (Father, I know she belongs to you, but I love her so much. I know you love her more, but I really want her to stay with me. Oh, Lord, I surrender LizBeth to you. Give me the grace and the strength to accept whatever may happen. Amen) However, every time LizBeth would stop breathing, I would pray, “I’m not ready. I can’t do this. I know what I said, but I can’t. Please, oh please, don’t take her.”

This is the roller coaster I rode in the NICU for the first month. God did not disown me. God did not rebuke me. God gave me the strength I needed for this journey. You cannot have the peace or the strength of the Holy Spirit unless you have repented and believed on the Lord Jesus Christ. Oh how sad it is to see someone going through such grief, and know they have no relationship with the Lord.

As time went on and we were allowed to decorate the area around Lizzies’ bed, a nurse approached us and said this: “You can almost feel the presence of the Lord around her bed.” She went on to say that some nurses would come to read Lizzie’s Angel Board throughout the day. This Angel Board was made by several ladies from our church. It was very pretty and pink, but the most wonderful thing was all the Scriptures that covered it. We encouraged ourselves by reading these verses aloud to Lizzie. Many nurses in the NICU would jot down the Scriptures from this board and then take them to other patients.

We volunteered to pray with other families. I have said all this, not because we’re perfect or because we became perfect in the NICU, but because of Jesus we were able to shine for Him. It is truly amazing what Christ did in our lives through what was the most difficult thing we had ever been through. He deserves all the glory. He is truly amazing.

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We did sleep well that night. Prayer number one was answered. The next day we were not allowed to see Lizzie until after her testing, so it was day of waiting and praying and making phone calls. Finally, we were able to see her.

As the nurse was filling us in on the tests and how Lizzie responded, she said to Stacy, “I got your baby to take a pacifier.” (Lizzie had refused one since birth.) When Stacy asked how she was able to do that, the nurse responded, “I dipped it in sugar water.” We chuckled that we might take a pacifier dipped in sugar water. Then the nurse used these very words: “It is proven that sucking on a pacifier comforts infants during times of stress.” God allowed her to use my word from a prayer to encourage me. From that point on I never doubted the sovereignty of my Lord.

The days turned to weeks and the weeks to months, and still we had no diagnosis. The doctors were doing all they could to find out what was wrong with LizBeth.

In the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), you meet several thousand people. Well, not really, but it sure feels that way. Doctors, nurses, therapists, therapist assistants, lab technicians, and other patients are among those you spend your time with. Eventually, Stacy and I were able to reach out to other families and share our faith with those in the medical profession. I know it was only through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I will tell you a lost person can survive the NICU. A lost person can even survive well, but a Christian is the only one who can live the life in the NICU. There is no one on this earth, not your spouse, not your mom, not one single person that can comfort you during the grief and fear you feel when your baby almost dies right in front of you. It is an absolutely overwhelming feeling of helplessness. There is nothing I can do. There’s nothing the doctors can do.

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Throughout this journey we learned three things we would like to pass on to you. Before we start we want to say that these aren’t “Three Easy Steps To Shine the Light of Christ in Difficult Times”. There aren’t any steps for times like this and if there were they wouldn’t be easy. These are just some things we learned along the way.

1. You need Jesus.

As I mentioned earlier, we had prayed for Lizzie throughout my entire pregnancy. I fully expected a healthy, happy baby. When things began to look bad, I still thought everything would be okay. However, as things began to get worse, I began to doubt. I doubted the effectiveness of my prayers. I doubted the healing ability of God. I doubted the presence of Jesus in my life.

When we finally arrived in Amarillo; exhausted and emotionally drained, I knelt down beside my bed in the Ronald McDonald House and prayed honestly. I told the Lord about all my doubts and all my fears.

I finally asked these questions: “Am I going to continue to believe in You? Am I going to go on believing You are real and involved in my life? Do I want to go on trusting in You?” After what seemed like only a moment, I answered myself, “Where would I go? Who would take me through this? I will follow You.” Later I realized those were Peter’s words to Christ – to whom would we go?

An immediate peace came over me in that instant. I was still afraid for my baby’s life, but not afraid I had been forsaken. After this moment of crisis in my faith, I prayed two very specific prayers. I prayed for us to sleep well that night, and I also prayed for Lizzie to be comforted the next day, as only God can comfort an infant undergoing MRI’s and other testing. I told no one, not even Stacy what I prayed. I wanted God to answer my prayer to reassure me in my weakest moment.

This is from our presentation we called "Life with Liz" that we presented at the Oklahoma Women Active for Christ state meeting in Oklahoma City. I will try to add one page a day to the blog. It is rather lengthy:)

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Good afternoon! Thank you so much for allowing us to be here. We are so excited to bring you the story of our “Life with Liz.” It was truly a journey that covered two states and three hospitals. Before beginning the story we affectionately call “Life with Liz,” I would like to tell you a little bit about “Life before Liz.”

Stacy and I were married in 1998 in Fort Gibson, Oklahoma. In 2000, we had Katelyn. In 2002, we had Sarah-Berra. When Sarah was only two months old, we moved to Guymon, Oklahoma. For those of you familiar with Guymon, you know it’s located right smack in the middle of the Panhandle. You may have even heard this part of Oklahoma referred to as “No Man’s Land.” However, Stacy and I beg to differ. The name should be “Real Man’s Land” because it takes a real man and a real woman to survive in the Panhandle.

Stacy is the pastor of Northridge Free Will Baptist Church, and I have had the privilege of teaching at our Christian school. When we found out we were going to have our third baby, everyone was convinced it was a boy. However, the ultrasound proved that to be wrong. Girl #3 was on her way! Stacy and Katelyn got over their initial disappointment and we all enjoyed a happy, healthy pregnancy with prayer each night for this new baby girl.

The meeting was actually a transition meeting from Sooner Start to Preschool. Lizzie slept through the entire meeting, but woke up just in time to check out PE. It was loud and chaotic down there, so Lizzie loved it. I'm sure it reminded her of home:)

The ladies at the meeting were so very nice and helpful. When we peeked in the classroom, the other children were laughing and wiggling and of course, acting up because there were visitors! We have paperwork a mile long for testing. Some of the questions are so silly b/c of her age: Can the child point to a one-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill? Can the child throw a ball or bean bag five to seven feet away? We decided the questions should be: Can the child have a complete meltdown without tears? yes Can the child be ridiculously cute? yes

Lizzie is cooing to her daddy right now. It also looks like the daddy is getting a bit sleepy cuddling up with the Lizzie Tater. It is hard to hold her and not get sleepy. She is awfully cuddly:)

This will probably prove to be one of the longest posts ever! We are heading to Lizzie's IEP (Individualized Education Program) in the morning, so I put together all the necessary information I could think of. Thank you so much for your continued prayers. Can you believe she will be starting preschool in January?!?

Elizabeth Nichole Ross

My name is Elizabeth, but everybody calls me Lizzie. I was born full term on January 18, 2008, with no difficulty at all. However, within 24 hours I stopped eating and became very lethargic. Another 24 hours later I began having what looked like seizures. So three days after my birth, I was sent to Amarillo, Texas for lots and lots of tests. One week later I was on my way to OU Children’s Hospital for more and more tests. I still do not have a diagnosis, but have had several surgeries:

Tracheotomy: placed 2/15/2008 removed 08/12/2008 I still have a slight hole that I blow air through sometimes. My mom and dad call it my “blowhole.” If it gets slobber or boogers in it, my mom just wipes it away with my bib.

Nissen Fundoplication: placed 2/15/2008 My fundo is not very tight anymore, so I still have acid reflux. Sometimes it’s not so bad, but other times I end up holding my breath until my face turns blue. My body becomes very stiff and I look very hard to the right. When this happens, my mom and dad straighten me as much as possible and wait for it to pass. (It never lasts over 20 seconds.) My parents give me Prilosec every morning to help with this.

Gastrostomy Placement: placed 2/15/2008 removed 10/18/2009 I eat and drink everything orally. I have a giant sweet tooth and I love my daddy’s pancakes with syrup.

Muscle Biopsy: 2/15/2008

I am very far-sighted, so I need to wear my glasses in class. However, when I am finished wearing them, I will let you know by pulling them off any way I can. I have slight nystagmus, but on days when I’m tired, it’s more obvious.

I must be strapped into my chair or stander very well because I am so very hypotonic. I have virtually no head or neck control.

I love music! I love loud music, soft music, Zumba music, lullabies, hymns, songs my mommy makes up… and I love the sound of pianos and people singing. Sometimes I try to sing along, but mostly I just try to dance.

I have my own form of communication that may be hard to understand. I cry for most things, but when I am hungry I say, “Nunny.” When I want my bottle, I will put my arm in mouth and bite on it. When I am through learning, I will look away from you with a look of pure boredom.

I can understand a lot of what you say to me. I can also understand the tone you use. I know you will speak kindly to me, but please tell me what we are doing before we begin.

I am a very healthy little girl. I have no food or medicine allergies. I have slight seasonal allergies, but have only been sick once in the last three years.

I love to be around other children and most adults. I will have days abounding with energy, and days when I am exhausted. Sometimes I only need a little cat nap to bounce back. Some days I need more.

My family would like for me to

1. learn a form of communication – it can even be unique to me

2. gain strength in my muscles

3. use my hands

4. drink from a sippy cup

Stacy, Kelly, Katelyn, Sarah, and Elizabeth Ross